Deep Desire

Sitting in Lu Jing Shen’s car, Feng Si casually gave him directions.

It didn’t matter to him; if Lu Jing Shen wanted to follow, he’d just take him along. If he couldn’t stand it, Lu Jing Shen would leave on his own.

Lu Jing Shen drove, feeling somewhat absent-minded. The atmosphere in the car was silent and awkward. He wanted to say something but hesitated, finally opening his mouth, “Did you find a new job here?”

Feng Si threw out only one word, “Maybe.”

Lu Jing Shen asked again, “You are willing to pay millions rather than fulfill the contract?”

Feng Si turned to look at him, smiling, “Alex, cut the act. You don’t care about this small sum of money at all. Others can easily demand a million from you just by showing you a photo but I worked for you for three months. Can’t you let me off the hook?”

Listening to his tone, Lu Jing Shen could clearly hear the sarcasm in his words. Feng Si was just using his words to provoke him.

“I don’t want you to pay me any money,” Lu Jing Shen said.

Feng Si accepted it with an easygoing attitude, “right.”

Lu Jing Shen didn’t say anything more. There was no point in continuing that topic.

When they arrived at their destination, Lu Jing Shen saw the neon sign of a nightclub in front of him, with a dazzling rainbow logo above it.

The employees at the entrance were all dressed flamboyantly, intentionally showing off their robust muscles, and they greeted each customer with bright smiles.

Lu Jing Shen’s eyes flickered, and Feng Si unbuckled his seatbelt, opened the car door, and casually reminded him, “It’s not too late to regret and leave now.”

Lu Jing Shen’s lips tightened into a thin line, and he didn’t say anything.

Feng Si continued, ‘Although not everyone inside is gay, some just come to enjoy themselves, but as long as you are a guy, everyone assumes you are, and if someone approaches or even harasses you inside, you have no one to blame .’

Lu Jing Shen softly spoke, ‘Let’s get off.'”

Feng Si gazed at the tense line of Lu Jing Shen’s jaw and smirked, ‘Then let’s go.’

At the entrance, Feng Si greeted people with ease, as if he was a regular there.

The muscular men cheerfully called him by name, and when their eyes fell on Lu Jing Shen beside him, someone whistled.

While not many people wearing formal suits came to such places, it wasn’t unheard of; after all, the abstinence style also had its market. Those people often got even more excited and played more freely. They naturally assumed Lu Jing Shen was one of them.

Lu Jing Shen didn’t look around, forcing himself not to pay attention to the overly intense and lecherous gazes directed at him. His palms were already sweaty, and he followed closely behind Feng Si, finding each step exceptionally difficult.

Once inside, the sight was filled with moving figures, wild dancing on the dance floor, waving their arms, twisting their waists, and shaking their hips. Above them were dazzling lights, and the music was deafening.

On the stage, some men were performing a sensual dance, almost half-naked. One had only a tight triangle underwear and a tie around his neck, while another had strategically placed colorful silk fabric covering only key areas. The two imitated sexual movements closely, drawing cheers and screams from the audience.

Lu Jing Shen couldn’t stand it anymore. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol was suffocating, and he instinctively moved closer to Feng Si.

Feng Si’s unique scent filled his nostrils, allowing him to breathe a little in that stifling place.

Between his eardrums and the noisy world, it felt like an illusory space, isolating all the bizarre and flamboyant things happening around. All he could hear was his own heartbeat, and the only figure he could see was Feng Si.

Feng Si leisurely admired the performance on stage for a while before moving towards a more crowded area.

Lu Jing Shen immediately followed, struggling through the dimness and excessive crowd, occasionally being touched by reaching hands. He tried to catch Feng Si’s arm.

Feng Si turned back, watching his embarrassed state, and said, ‘If you can’t handle it, you can leave.’

Knowing Feng Si wanted him to leave, Lu Jing Shen indeed felt uncomfortable, but despite that, he shook his head when he met Feng Si’s mocking eyes.

Feng Si couldn’t be bothered to say more and found his friends, walking over to them.

Around six or seven people gathered around a table, drinking, chatting, and playing games. Some would take a break from the game and dance, while others who came back from the dance floor joined in.

Seeing Feng Si approaching, everyone warmly greeted him. When they noticed Lu Jing Shen beside him, someone directly reached out and touched his abs, making exaggerated praising sounds.

Lu Jing Shen’s face turned pale, and he moved away vigorously. The person, having his hand pushed away by Lu Jing Shen’s cold expression, whistled and jokingly asked Feng Si, ‘Is this guy here for the first time? Is he straight?’

Feng Si replied, appearing to smile but not really, ‘What do you think?’

All eyes fell on Lu Jing Shen, sizing him up. He felt embarrassed, and the discomfort was growing. He didn’t want to stay for another second, yet there was another voice in his head forcing him to stay.

He couldn’t leave.

Trying to suppress the anxious emotions, he attempted to calm down and say something, but Feng Si interrupted, “He’s my former boss. He’s here on a business trip, and we happened to meet. I brought him for a drink, but he’s not used to this environment. Just ignore him. No need to make any moves.” Feng Si’s tone was light and casual, showing no hint of ambiguity when referring to his relationship with Lu Jing Shen.

The others made a disapproving sound, but the allure of Lu Jing Shen, the proud and coldly handsome Eastern man, was undeniable. Feng Si brought him there but only allowed the others to look, not touch. Were they being teased?

Feng Si apologized with a smile, and the attention shifted away from Lu Jing Shen. The group continued playing the dice game. The losers had to drink or perform intimate acts with their companions in public.

No one seemed to have a problem with it. After all, in that place, everyone was there for fun.

Feng Si played the game with a nonchalant attitude, a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. When he tossed the dice, it was like showing off. However, luck wasn’t on his side that day, and he kept losing, drinking one cup after another.

Another round ended, and a loud cheer erupted from the crowd. Lu Jing Shen didn’t quite grasp what was happening until he saw Feng Si raise his eyebrows, indicating that he had lost again.

But this time, Feng Si didn’t pick up the glass. Everyone urged him to choose someone to kiss.

‘Hey, why are you hesitating? You lost, so you have to accept it.’

‘No need to hesitate; I volunteer, how about that?’

Approaching Feng Si with a smile was a man with a bare chest, brown curly hair, and blue eyes. He blinked flirtatiously and reached out to touch Feng Si’s chest, seductively asking, ‘should we?’

Feng Si kept his hands in his pockets, looking at the person leaning against him with an amused gaze. He didn’t show any signs of hesitation but didn’t make a move either.

The cheering around them grew louder, and for a few seconds, Lu Jing Shen’s expression blanked. He finally realized what they were about to do.

The man got closer, and as Feng Si leaned in, Lu Jing Shen’s hand suddenly reached out and grabbed his wrist.

Feng Si looked at him provocatively, and Lu Jing Shen’s voice was drowned in the booming music and the noisy surroundings, ‘Don’t.’

Feng Si’s gaze remained calm and steady as he looked at him. Lu Jing Shen tightly held his wrist and forcefully pulled him towards himself, tilting his head and kissing him.

Once again, Lu Jing Shen kissed Feng Si’s lips, mixed with the taste of alcohol and bitter tobacco. It was an unpleasant feeling for Lu Jing Shen; the murky and unpleasant air made him suffocate, and Feng Si’s lips lacked warmth, serving as a constant reminder that their relationship had ended, that Feng Si had given up on him. That kiss from Feng Si didn’t mean anything; it was just a punishment in the game, regardless of the person receiving it.

The more clearly he understood this, the more unwilling he felt.

Lu Jing Shen ground his lips, attempting to enter Feng Si’s mouth with his tongue. The bitter taste spread in his mouth, even the taste on the tip of his heart was bitter.

Feng Si’s hands remained in his pockets, motionless, allowing Lu Jing Shen to kiss him without refusal or cooperation.

He stared into the closed eyes, closed tightly, with quivering eyelashes. Even at that moment, Lu Jing Shen’s brows were furrowed.

The people around found it unsatisfying and someone loudly called, “we want a show, something more exciting! What is this?”

Feng Si smirked and not waiting for Lu Jing Shen’s reaction, he pulled him over and sat him on his lap, one hand holding his waist, the other pressing on the back of his neck, and kissed him again, finally taking control.

Different from Lu Jing Shen’s cautious movements, Feng Si’s kisses were fierce and aggressive, completely imprisoning Lu Jing Shen in his embrace. It felt like he was venting, playing around in his mouth, even his tongue almost reached his throat. Lu Jing Shen tasted pain, perhaps his oral muscle was damaged, and his tongue might have been bitten, as the taste of blood mixed with Feng Si’s breath, colliding and entwining between their lips and tongues, soon making it hard for him to breathe.

The hand on his waist slid under his suit jacket, pulling up his shirt and sensually kneading and caressing his bare skin.

Lu Jing Shen trembled all over, being watched by so many people in such a public place. Even if he covered his ears and closed his eyes, he knew that everything he and Feng Si were doing was under the public’s eyes, and some people even took out their phones to take pictures.

But it was him who stopped Feng Si from kissing someone else, and it was him who took the initiative to kiss Feng Si. No matter how embarrassing it was, he couldn’t back down.

Feng Si’s other hand, pressed against his neck, moved to the front, brushed over his Adam’s apple, and slid down to start unbuttoning his shirt.

One button, two buttons, by the third button, Lu Jing Shen finally couldn’t bear it and stopped his hand, slowly opening his eyes.

Meeting Feng Si’s calm eyes devoid of any warmth, Lu Jing Shen felt hurt by his gaze, his eyes revealing a plea.

He couldn’t accept being undressed, exposing his body in front of so many people in that place.

He was pleading with Feng Si not to do this.

Feng Si’s hand stopped on his chest, frozen for a moment, then eventually pulled back. He raised his chin at the others, “Is this enough?”

Whistles resounded.

Lu Jing Shen lowered his head, awkwardly buttoning up his shirt. His previously neat suit had become a mess. 

As they walked outside, the cold wind blew, and he shivered, lifting his head to see Feng Si standing ahead, looking at him.

The playfulness and joking in Feng Si’s eyes had disappeared, just like the night he said those things to him and left without turning back, his gaze was the same.

Lu Jing Shen panicked, quickly walking up to him, “Are you going back? I’ll drive you back.”

Fengsi asked him, ‘Can you accept what just happened?’

Lu Jingshen replied hesitantly, ‘did we have to do it like that?’

‘If you don’t like this kind of place, you don’t have to come,’ Fengsi sneered. ‘But in such a place, if you can’t truly accept yourself in the presence of like minded people, How confident are you in embracing your true self in the outside world?’

Lu Jingshen persisted, ‘I know it’s not that easy, but I followed you inside and stuck with it until the end. Isn’t that enough?’

Fengsi remained unmoved, ‘Why did you follow me inside? If losing a fuck buddy can make you so miserable and submissive, is that what you’ve come to?’

‘It’s not a fuck buddy,’ Lu Jingshen interrupted firmly,’

Fengsi replied, ‘Then what is it? Friends with benefits seem similar to what I just said.’

‘It’s not!’ Lu Jingshen raised his voice, his eyes turning red. Though he hadn’t been drinking, he seemed intoxicated. ‘I would never allow a fuck buddy to live in my home, to interfere with my work and life. No one else, never has anyone been like you.’

‘But Alex,’ Fengsi reminded him, ‘I want more than that. If you can’t fulfill what I want, why come looking for me? You said you need time, how long is that? Do you even know?’

Lu Jingshen was stunned.

Finally, Fengsi gently touched his cold face, and softened his tone, ‘Go back, don’t come to such places again in the future.’

Lu Jingshen was lost in thought, but Fengsi called for a taxi.

As he opened the car door, Lu Jingshen called out to him, ‘Let me give you a ride.’

‘No need,’ Fengsi said, ‘You go back to the hotel. It’s so late, you don’t need to make another trip.’

After Fengsi got into the car, he closed the door.

Lu Jingshen stood there, watching the car drive away, feeling utterly lost in the deserted foreign street.

In the car, Fengsi opened Liu Jie’s WeChat and called her, waking her up from her sleep. Before Liu Jie could scold him, Fengsi immediately hung up, and sent an address and a message.

‘Your boss is here now, keep an eye on him and make sure he goes back safely.’

He put away his phone and lazily leaned back in his seat.”