Astraea

Lydia sat on an outdoor sofa on the deck by the lake. Her sketch pad on her lap, a pencil in her hand but her gaze is on a distant looking at something that is not even there.

She heard the bell rings but before she could stand up to answer the door, Mrs. Collins had beat her into it and told her to stay. For a moment, she wonders who is the couple's visitor since they rarely get one.

The lake house is in a secluded place and they don't even have a neighbor. Mr. and Mrs. Collins, as far as she knows preferred living in the tranquility that's why they decided to leave their life in the city and choose to retire in the house that Mr. Collins intentionally built by the lake away from the noise and mess of the city or town.

No one knows of the place except for Mr. and Mrs. Collins two children that already have a family and life of their own.

Her attention was caught by the flock of wild ducks that flew out of the lake. Her gaze followed them for a moment as they flew above the woods. Maybe they were going to the other lake, she thought internally as the town is famous for having five lakes. One of them being the heart-shaped lake in front of her. It is the most secluded and harder to reach. Other lakes were famous for tourists except for this one.

Lydia heard footsteps coming from behind her, she thought it was Mrs. Collins so she turned her head to look at her and plastered a smile on her face. But it gradually fades away. Her face became pale and she felt her heart hitched.

"Lydia,"

She loves how her name rolled in his tongue. His voice has always been cold but to her, he has always been soft and considerate. How she missed his voice, it has been months since she heard him called her name, it has been months since she last saw him, and it was not in a nice way.

The memories of their argument flashed her mind and she suddenly felt worried and scared.

Why is he here?

Did he find out about her pregnancy?

Did he come here to tell her to abort her baby?

There were a lot of questions that were lingering in her mind and all of them were making her panicky.

Then she noticed Lorcan's gaze dropped on her lap, that's when she remembered about her sketches. She quickly closed it and held it closer to her stomach, afraid that he might have seen the sketches and her stomach as well. Though she doubts if he could already see the bulge in her stomach since she is wearing a large t-shirt enough to cover them.

Lorcan's expression turned grim with Lydia's gesture. It was obvious that Lydia is still trying to hide the sketches and her growing stomach but it is too late because he already knows of it.

Lorcan calmed his racing heart and walked around the sofa so that he is standing in front of Lydia whose head is tilted upwards so that she could see his face.

"May I?" Lorcan pointed at the space on the sofa beside her asking permission to sit beside her.

Lydia looked at him then in the space beside her. She remained silent obviously hesitating but then she nodded her head later on. But before Lorcan could take a seat, she scooted farther giving enough space in between them.

It pained Lorcan to see how cautious Lydia is around him. This is not what they were before. They used to be close, as a friend. Or maybe more than a friend, but not enough to call them lovers. They never had inhibitions around each other. They were always relaxed. Lydia trusted him.

But now, Lydia has some reservations about him. She seemed to be holding back. And she has traces of fear in her eyes. And Lorcan could only blame himself for that. He caused her reservations, he caused her fears. He wanted to erase them but he doesn't know how to start.

"How..." Lydia wanted to ask Lorcan how he found her but it would seem like she is hiding from him so she paused and came up with another question. "Why are you here?" She asked in an almost inaudible voice.

She wanted to ask more but she felt her throat tightened.

Lorcan is looking at her face then on her lap alternately. Lydia could not tell if he was looking at the sketchpad or her stomach. She wasn't sure if he had seen her sketches.

A cold person like Lorcan who is also a man of few words is definitely not a sweet talker.

He is having a hard time thinking of words or ways to tell her how sorry he was, how he regrets everything he said, how to convince her to come back to him, more so, how to tell her and later convince her that he loves her.

He is used to spitting words with intimidation and he is afraid that once he starts talking, she would only feel intimidated and hurt her feelings further. The last thing he needs is her pushing him away as he did. He would definitely receive words from her nieces if that happens.

Now thinking about his nieces that were just a few meters away from him, he knew that he has to get this over with and convince her to come back or else, their efforts will just go down the drain because of his cowardice.

Lorcan took a deep breath and decided to just speak directly. "I'm sorry. Please, come back to me." He finally said in a defeated tone.

There was a surprise on Lydia's face until it was replaced with a faint smile. A bitter one. Then her gaze drifted from him towards the lake. "Lorcan, you were right. I became too dependent on you. I trusted you too much that I had no reservations around you. I am sorry for what I did but I never regretted it. And you were right also when you said that I should stay away from you and learn to live on my own, that's what I have been before you came into my life and what I should have been doing."

Lorcan felt a pang of guilt. His chest tightened because that's exactly what he told her amid their argument. And he didn't mean everything that he said. He regretted it eventually but he cannot take his words back until she just sprinted out of his pad. He never got his chance to take them back.

Lydia grows up in an orphanage, and when she left, she started to live alone providing for herself without anyone or even friends until he came. He didn't mean it when he said that she should just stay that way, alone, and stay away from him.

Lorcan shook his head, "Lydia, I'm sorry for everything that I've said that day. I swear, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean everything that I said that day. I was just angry, that's why I said those words. But I am not angry at you. I was angry at myself and directed it on you. I was supposed to protect you. But I failed to protect you from me. I don't want to intentionally hurt you. I will never do that. Please, forgive me." Lorcan's coldness started to melt. He might have not noticed it but he is talking with warmth and softness.

"I forgive you," She said then she looked at Lorcan. "I knew you didn't mean what you said that day. You would never say those things to me. And I thank you for being so considerate of me, for being protective of me, for being my friend. But I've decided to live a new life and move on. And you should too. I think I'm liking this place." Lydia said then she looks back at the lake. It was the truth, she liked that place and would like to live there for the rest of her life.

But a great part of her heart says otherwise. There is no other place she would love to be than be near Lorcan. But unfortunately, one cannot always get what she wanted.

Lorcan frowned and became antsy, "No, Lydia! I will not leave here without you. You are coming back with me and I will never lose you again. You do not belong here. You belong at Miliani. You belong in my pad. You belong with me. I knew I had you to the point that I never thought I'd lose you but I did and I was such a jerk for letting it happen. And when I lose you, it breaks me. It breaks my world. And it takes me more than three months without you to realize how important you are for me to be able to breathe, to live."

"Lorcan..." Lydia tried to stop him because her heart is swelling too much and she is getting scared that all her resolve would crumble down once her heart started to speak in favor of Lorcan.

"I know everything, Lydia." But Lorcan didn't let her, instead, his words made her frozen in her place and drained out all of her remaining blood in her face.

What does he mean, he knows everything?