Actor, Search for Hope

36. Less is less, more is more. Thirty-six. You can think of it as pathetic, but it's not wrong. because you're pathetic and you're stupid.

I want to tell you a little bit about myself.

Family relationships are between my parents, my sister and me. So these are the four brothers and sisters.

It wasn't even a diamond spoon, but it was a house that was often called a taboo spoon. It's one of the great families we call Lives really well for others.

The deceased grandfather was an undergraduate who went to Japan at the time. And that's why you care so much about education. That's why he and his brothers and his youngest father were so close in age that they all went to Seoul National University.

So you have senior civil servants working in politics, you have university professors. There is a hospital hospital in my country that we all know. Some say it's a small business, but some say it's quite robust.

So do my cousins. They study well. Many of them are from S's, which is the most recognizable in my country, and there are at least Y's and K's. Some cousins have passed the notice.

Even my cousin, who told me he couldn't study with me, is in K.

You may be wondering why you do that.

The problem is that I can't study. I mean, not everyone in the house is exceptional. Sometimes there are ordinary people like me. Not just by family standards, but by very little. She graduated first in her class in S, passed a judicial notice at the age of 21 when she was in college. I've been told they're popular all over the country.

But I was so much comparable to you. I went to high school, I went unemployed, I barely went to a four-year local college. I entered on time, but my scores were not very good.

When I started unemployment high school, my father told me that my son had joined the humanitarian community. I understood my father's feelings a little bit, but it was really bitter for me. I felt a sense of self-esteem.

He was really smart. Maybe that's why. His pride was so strong. So I think he was really complex about being stupid, and he couldn't admit it.

Plus, my sister is too competent. The problem compared to my sister would have also contributed. It's because of the patriarchal idea that I also have a lot of expectations for my siblings. Because he's a man.

Relatives met often when they were young.

And every time my relatives would come together, I would be ignored by my other relatives and ignored. I didn't do it openly, but it was even more difficult. My brothers and sisters, as well as my sisters. Maybe this is where the depression started.

When you turn around later on when you get older, the parts that I thought weren't important were really hard at the time. It was a little overwhelming for a young age, I guess.

My father grew up not receiving much love from his childhood because of family relationships. I was in the middle of something that I didn't care about, and I couldn't care about my grandmother because I had problems in my childhood home.

Maybe that's why it's so strong. My father was a person who didn't know how much he would love us because of his past. Even though Mother loved Father a lot, it was too much. At some point, he didn't pay much attention to us.

What I hear most often is that you have to study well. And the atmosphere of having to be recognized in the family. I felt this way too much.

The second was the sigh that followed with the words, "How the hell are you going to..." At home, at school.

It wasn't smart, it wasn't well-defined, and I was caught up in that atmosphere without even knowing it. Somehow, the inferiority of wanting to be recognized by my father, by my family, was the driving force of life.

He wasn't feeling well either. He was rather weak. I think he was about five inches tall. But his weight was almost low. But is it unfortunate that his face is still somewhat handsome?

I accidentally started my workout with a friend when I had only a few minutes left after graduation. And then, at some point, I worked really hard. I started doing that workout regularly, and I felt better. And the rewards of time and effort really improved my workout. Maybe it was the endorphins, and I felt really good about the moment because I was doing a lot of exercises and I had no idea.

It wasn't enough, but when I died in school and exercise, I got a scholarship, and my grades were fine. It probably also worked a lot in the region.

But we were always running out of time. Most of my college life, except for tuition, I had to make money. At home, he only paid for his education, saying that he would become independent.

Most of the time, the university didn't have the opportunity to make friends, and they didn't have the time. I've always felt lonely, and I wanted someone to be there for me, but I've never really been in a relationship. Sometimes I read romance novels to ease my loneliness.

After living that life, it seemed that the path to earning a lot of money was recognized in addition to studying. I was feeling it myself. that there is too little to be recognized as studying. So after I got out of the military, I did what I really had to do with my mind that I learned to do what I did.

That's how I spent my time. Then I came to school a little later, but as I was in the fourth grade, I came across a problem.

It was a local university, but it was a national university, and the limits of my abilities have come. It was a matter of getting into a chemistry class that I could reasonably show people. It wasn't very basic.

Until third grade, I managed to keep up with simple memorization, but by the time I got to fourth grade, I had to understand memorization as a base. But I had to memorize it, and it worked, but I didn't have the ability to understand. In a word, the brain just couldn't keep up.

But if you were just going to graduate, it wouldn't be a problem. However, I was furious that I wanted to be recognized by my father.

When I was in the fourth grade, I received my first undergraduate warning. After studying, I was so stressed that I was taken to the emergency room.

That's when I started. Suddenly, things started to surface.

I had no confidence in school, so I took a year off. I just worked hard. And then he asked me to come home and go back to school. You said you had to graduate. I was thirty-one at the time.

I went back to school rather than my will, as I was forced to leave because of the pressures of my family.

After returning to school, I threw up real blood and worked hard, but I almost doubled it to C +, and I got a report card.

I was less motivated to live. I tried, I worked hard, but I was frustrated.

And that's when I felt it. I thought I'd overcome my inferiority issues, but I still haven't. You have to give up studying and get recognized with money. I thought so, but somewhere in the corner of my mind, there was still a sense of study.

Time passes and the exam passes. The answer sheets were all blank.

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